One of the endearing things about Christmas is that there are some toys that always seem to stand the test of time. Kids change and newfangled gizmos come and go, but there always seems to be a place on the store shelves for a few classic toys.
One of those is dolls. Dolls have existed as toys for thousands of years, with an infinite variety of shapes, sizes and features. Even this year, there are quite a few different doll options, each that would make a great Christmas gift. Here's a sampling of some of the dolls I have seen this year:
-- The Barack Obama doll: Pull the string on its back, and it promises you can keep all your other toys, just before your mom takes them away. Pull the string a second time, and your computer will lock up.
-- The NRA doll: Comes equipped with several handguns and a shotgun.
-- The James Sanders doll: Pull the string, and it will talk for a half-hour.
-- The U.S. Congress doll: It doesn't do anything.
-- The Miley Cyrus doll: The first time you pull the string, it will talk about what a good role model it wants to be. Pull the string a second time, and it will take off most of its clothes and grope itself.
-- The Tom Brady doll: Pull the string and it will whine about the officiating.
-- The Barrett Harrison doll: Pull the string and it will ask you to reimburse it.
-- The AT&T doll: You won't be able to understand half of what it says, and it will occasionally stop talking in the middle of a sentence.
-- The Edward Snowden doll: Works like an audio diary. Comes with a device that will record children's secrets. But when parents pull the string, the doll will reveal the secrets.
-- The Kim Jong Un doll: Pull the string, and it will order the execution of other toys.
-- The Facebook doll: Pull the string, and it will invite you to play Farmville.
-- The Pope Francis doll: Pull the string, and it will say interesting, insightful things. Comes with accessory dolls that will then argue about what the pope doll actually said.
-- The Tea Party doll: Pull the string and it will recite "facts" about the evils of income taxes and President Obama. One out of every 20 statements will be true.
-- The Walker Park doll: It comes covered with goose poop.
-- The ASU football coach doll: It will disappear after a year.
-- The Fox News doll: Pull the string, and it tells you what you want to hear. Only works for certain children.
-- The MSNBC doll: Same as the Fox News doll.
-- The Local Winter Storm Response doll: If it comes in contact with anything frozen, it will completely shut itself down for a week.
-- The One Direction doll: The newest version of the discontinued NSync, New Kids on the Block and Menudo dolls.
-- The SEC Football doll: Overhyped, overpriced and overrated.
-- The Blytheville Finance Director doll: You won't be able to get it guaranteed.
-- The Kim Kardashian doll: Completely made of plastic. No natural materials used. Head piece is hollow.
-- The NSA doll: It pulls your string.
-- The Highway 18 Overpass doll: Once you pull the string, it will take forever for it to finish its function.
-- The Andy Weld doll: Pull the string, and it will attempt to say something witty, but it will actually be pretty lame.
aweld@blythevillecourier.com