Fred Sanford's hilarious fake heart attack routine would always include: "Oh, this is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth?! I'm coming to join you, honey!"
If the big one ever hits Blytheville, we'll probably all be joining Elizabeth.
Blytheville's "big one" wouldn't be a heart attack, it would be a major earthquake.
According to Pam Knapp-Carver, the executive director of the Northeast Arkansas Chapter of the American Red Cross, the biggest threat to this area is an earthquake because we're located smack-dab in the middle of a seismic zone -- the New Madrid Fault Line.
The devastation of a major earthquake would be unimaginable.
There's talk that the area could turn into a bunch of little islands as a result. Wouldn't that be bizarre? It's difficult for me to wrap my head around the concept, quite frankly.
Last Thursday, Carver told the Blytheville Rotary Club that it's not a matter of if there will be a catastrophic earthquake, but when -- whether the event happens in our lifetime or hundreds of years from now.
She encouraged everyone to be as prepared as possible -- a great idea, certainly.
Some helpful earthquake tips I've read about include preparing an earthquake kit, making a family communication plan, keeping heavy objects on lower shelves, strapping appliances to the wall studs or bolting them to the floor, rehearsing earthquake drills with family members, etc.
I'm sure the Red Cross and other agencies have or are working on plans for potential shelters in the event a major quake strikes.
But to me, the frightening part is there isn't much time to warn folks that a major earthquake is immanent, at least when comparing how authorities can alert folks of developing tornados, hurricanes and other disasters. Predicting the big earthquake is difficult, to say the least. Just ask Iben Browning.
Some 23 years ago, Browning predicted that a major earthquake would strike the region of New Madrid, Mo., on about Dec. 3, 1990.
I remember such a panic in the region at the time -- unwarranted as it turns out.
That prediction came on the heels of the 1989 Bay Area earthquake, which did billions in damage and claimed 67 lives.
I can remember watching that particular event unfold on television as it interrupted the World Series. Of course, a couple hundred years ago we had some catastrophic earthquakes much closer to home.
Most around here are familiar with the 1811-1812 New Madrid earthquakes -- among the largest in American history.
They caused wide-spread destruction, and legend has it they forced the Mississippi River to flow backward.
Whether the latter is urban legend or fact, I don't know. But one thing is certain: The earthquakes changed the local geography.
It's also likely another of that magnitude would do the same. All we can do is be as prepared as possible. Frankly, I can't say I've given much thought about a major earthquake here until last week. Even with the little benign quakes popping up regularly, a major earthquake is just not something one thinks of on a daily basis, especially with day-to-day issues to deal with at home and at work. But experts warn not to get complacent; be ready for such an event -- if that's possible.
"The emotional and psychological effects of a large earthquake in the central part of the country would probably also be considerable, particularly if the earthquake had a long aftershock pattern as the 1811-12 sequence did," according to earthquake.usgs.gov. "Perhaps the greatest danger of all arises from the sense of complacency, or perhaps total ignorance, about the potential threat of a large earthquake. The frequency of occurrence of earthquakes the size of those that took place in 1811-12 is very low; however, continuing minor to moderate seismic activity in the central Mississippi Valley area is an indication that a large magnitude tremor can someday be expected there again."
mbrasfield@blythevillecourier.com